Right now I don’t want to be all brave
I want to scream and shout
Go outside and yell at the stars
Tell them they are liars
Of the worst kind.
Tonight I don’t want to be rescued
I want to kick your ass
Then ask why you weren’t here
To help me.
Then I want to sit with a small town man
That has never left this state
And talk about how he would change the world
You know, the one he knows nothing about.
Tonight I want to let go of the complex
Contrite bitch that I am
And just sit with this man
Be in this moment with him
In his world
Tomorrow I can go back to being myself
I can pretend that you walking away
Didn’t bother me in the least
That you telling me I wasn’t worth it
Didn’t hurt me at all.
I’ll pretend I didn’t fall
That I’m a better woman
In your absence.
Tonight though, tonight I will feel it
Tonight I will take it out on everything
Tonight I will tell him all about you
All about my stupid life
Forgetting there is any good in it at all.
Tonight I will cry when I want to
Scream when it needs to come out
So that tomorrow I can forge ahead.
Tonight I asked him if I was too ugly to be loved
He said “no, you are too beautiful to settle for a moron.”
Shades help me deal with the truth of you
Inside what could fit in a shoe
Then I settled the score with a little bet of my own.
Horses run across this field
Laid open are our hearts not healed
Then empty is what we left of those before.
While chatting I remembered my God
He stood before me with an iron rod
Told me he was the one man that never forsake me.
Promised there would be a man
Somewhere in this great land
That would love me more than I could believe.
Tonight I may take little step back
Tomorrow I’ll be right on track
Hoping nobody saw me so vulnerable.
This man that took his time tonight
To listen to the battle, to hear my current fight
I hope he knows this isn’t the best of me.
I’m more than this caustic bitch
I may have lied about the witch
She really doesn’t have spells under her sink.
Yesterday I was all the rave
Tonight I don’t intend to be brave
I want to let the demon out that wants to play.