Feeling so torn apart just now
I find solace within my core.
The screeching screaming aftermath
Of always wanting more.
Mental awareness has always been keen
Yet I do my best in my worst.
I’d like to tell you it is all figured out
But I really need to fuck this man first.
Morality is standing at the door
When I let the stranger get dressed.
It always seems to amuse me about men
How they think they’ve fucked you best.
One day I’ll grow tired of this game
It definitely won’t be today.
I’ve gone in search of the next ‘new thing’
And I always get my way.
It as if there was a shift in me
A transparent change for the worst.
Once I knew everyone was playing a game
I wanted to play it first.
This one wrote a poem about a cup
Then said it was just for me.
One illness that almost took my life
Like a rat, he wanted to flee.
Another said he quit everything for me
Even his steady job.
Yet every time I look around my room
I think “wow, he’s a slob.”
Another said he loved me so much
He would travel to me one day.
Luckily I didn’t sit waiting for him
Because that was a game he liked to play.
“Forgive them of their trespasses” they say
But what about paying for the crime?
Is it not appalling to play with a woman’s heart
Without doing any of the time?
Pieces of myself I left behind
To those I almost believed.
Too many tears to tell you about
Now I’m more than a little bereaved.
I sit in the shade of a tree sometimes
Close my eyes to the truth of my life.
I pretend I’m in this beautiful house
And am this amazing mans wife.
He cooks me dinner on my favorite stove
Then we make love all night long.
We fight like any other couple
But love is our mutual song.
When I open my eyes to reality
Feel the pain in my heart from betrayal.
It takes me further away from where I was
Makes me want to make everyone subsequently fail.