Feeling so torn apart just now

I find solace within my core.

The screeching screaming aftermath

Of always wanting more.

Mental awareness has always been keen

Yet I do my best in my worst.

I’d like to tell you it is all figured out

But I really need to fuck this man first.

Morality is standing at the door

When I let the stranger get dressed.

It always seems to amuse me about men

How they think they’ve fucked you best.

 

One day I’ll grow tired of this game

It definitely won’t be today.

I’ve gone in search of the next ‘new thing’

And I always get my way.

It as if there was a shift in me

A transparent change for the worst.

Once I knew everyone was playing a game

I wanted to play it first.

 

This one wrote a poem about a cup

Then said it was just for me.

One illness that almost took my life

Like a rat, he wanted to flee.

Another said he quit everything for me

Even his steady job.

Yet every time I look around my room

I think “wow, he’s a slob.”

Another said he loved me so much

He would travel to me one day.

Luckily I didn’t sit waiting for him

Because that was a game he liked to play.

 

“Forgive them of their trespasses” they say

But what about paying for the crime?

Is it not appalling to play with a woman’s heart

Without doing any of the time?

 

Pieces of myself I left behind

To those I almost believed.

Too many tears to tell you about

Now I’m more than a little bereaved.

 

I sit in the shade of a tree sometimes

Close my eyes to the truth of my life.

I pretend I’m in this beautiful house

And am this amazing mans wife.

He cooks me dinner on my favorite stove

Then we make love all night long.

We fight like any other couple

But love is our mutual song.

When I open my eyes to reality

Feel the pain in my heart from betrayal.

It takes me further away from where I was

Makes me want to make everyone subsequently fail.

 

child abuse

Advertisements